The Muslim Home (Part-32)

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According to a report narrated by Abu Daawood, may Allaah have mercy on him, he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “Are there men among you who when they have intercourse with their wives, they close their doors and lower their curtains and ask Allaah to conceal them?” They said: “Yes.” He, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “And then do they sit and say: ‘I did such and such, and I did such and such?’” They kept silent. Then he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, turned to the women and said: “Are there any among you talk [about intimate matters]?” and they kept silent. Then a young girl sat up on one of her knees and craned her neck so that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, could see her and hear her, and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, indeed the men talk and the women talk.” He, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “Do you know what that is like? It is like a female devil meeting a male devil in the street and having intercourse with him whilst the people are watching.” (REPORTED BY ABU DAAWOOD, 2/627; SAHEEH AL-JAAMI’, 7037).  
With regard to the second matter, which is disclosing marital arguments outside the home, in many cases this only makes matters worse. Involving outside parties in a marital conflict usually deepens the split, and it reaches a stage where the couple will only communicate via intermediaries when they should be the closest of all people to one another. This should not be resorted to except in cases where they cannot resolve matter face to face, in which case we should act in accordance with the Aayah (which means): "… appoint [two] arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allaah will cause their reconciliation…" [QUR'AAN  4:35].  
With regard to the third matter, which is harming the family or one of its members – by spreading their secrets – this is not permissible, because it is covered by the words of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam: “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” (REPORTED BY IMAAM AHMAD, 1/313; AL-SILSILAT AS-SAHEEHAH, NO. 250). An example of this was narrated in the Tafseer of the Aayah (which means): "Allaah sets forth an example for those who disbelieve, the wife of Nooh and the wife of Loot. They were under two of our righteous slaves, but they both betrayed their [husbands]…" [QUR'AAN  66:10].

Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, reported the following in his Tafseer of this Aayah: “The wife of Nooh used to know about his secrets, and whenever anyone believed in him, she would tell the oppressors among the people of Nooh about it. As for the wife of Loot, whenever Loot welcomed anyone as a guest, she would tell the people of the city who used to do evil things” (TAFSEER IBN KATHEER, 8/198), i.e., to come and do immoral things to them. Good manners at home
(21) Spreading kindness in the home.
‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, said: “The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘When Allaah – may He be glorified – wills some good towards the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.’” (REPORTED BY IMAAM AHMAD IN AL-MUSNAD, 6/71; SAHEEH AL-JAAMI’, 303).  
According to another report, he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “When Allaah loves the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.” (REPORTED BY IBN ABU ADDUNYA AND OTHERS; SAHEEH AL-JAAMI’, NO. 1704).

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The Muslim Home - Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

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